Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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