Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
