he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
