You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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