can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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