Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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