New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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