Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
