YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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