you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
