his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
