I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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