is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
