But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
