vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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