yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
