I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
