i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize