I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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