so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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