he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
