Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
