If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
