Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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