five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
two words: eviction party
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
