We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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