He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
