I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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