please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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