And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
