Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
