please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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