It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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