I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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