I just pynch a tree in the face
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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