If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
