Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
