Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
