I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
