i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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