sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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