found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Still dying that you shit outside
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
