I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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