Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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