Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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