We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
