It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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