that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
