my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
