there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
