i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I understand Curling. That high.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
