I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
