Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
