i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
