I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
