I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
