im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My vagina just clenched in fear
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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