i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
