Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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