This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
