Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
