My first STD was from a foam party
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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