I want to stick my p in your. b.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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