You're my little dorito
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
