i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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