"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
