You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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