i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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