I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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