Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
