i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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