She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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