If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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