How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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