Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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