how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
