awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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