I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
