she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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