He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
